The blog, of 003.

Here it is, 2:50am on the 15th of January. I’m oddly enough awake, my mind dwelling on a single thing. For the past day I’ve been thinking about it off and on, yet it seems to grow even more prevalent in my mind as more time passes.
What is this thing? Surprisingly, a girl. A girl I’ve only talked to twice, both through text. I’ve seen 3 pictures of her, she’s no supermodel, yet, to my eyes, there’s an intense beauty to her. Yet the odd thing is, whenever I’ve thought of her, the image of carnal relations have never followed. The thought of sex with her just, hasn’t popped into my head. Instead, I have images of us walking in parks holding hands, smiling and kissing, even a brief flash of her in a white wedding dress!
The feelings I seem to have for her are purely shocking! I’ve always had a dream that I would one day fall in love, yet never knew how I’d realize I was, and honestly still don’t know if I am. I’ve never felt this way about any other girl before though. The first time we talked, on the 13th, was for a few hours through AIM after getting her AIM through a website meant to just ask people questions. I first came across that site through mystery Google and her account there specifically. I signed up to the site, and chatted with her on there a bit. At that point, it was nothing overly special, I just figured it’d be someone interesting to chat with for a bit, probably would lose contact with her within a week.
Instead, by the time we parted around 1:30am on the 14th, I found myself deeply regretting that she was going to bed. I wanted her to stay and talk to me. I obviously didn’t say anything; after all it was 1:30am! Instead I went to bed myself, thinking of her. I woke up later, and monitored AIM all day, just eagerly waiting for her to get back on. I just wanted to talk to her again! Every email I got my heart leapt with hope thinking it might be from her, even though none were.
Yet around 8:30 when she finally got on, the feeling hadn’t diminished, in fact it grew more intense. Sadly she was going to a friends for the weekend and was only on for about 40 minutes, which just seemed far too short of a time! The whole time I just wanted to sit there and talk to her, I didn’t want her to leave! I feel when she did I probably made a fool of myself by rushing to make sure she had both my phone number and my email, and since have mildly worried about it thinking that perhaps this might have freaked her out a bit. Though I dearly hope it didn’t!
Even now, despite it being 3am, and the logical part of my brain telling me I shouldn’t hope to hear from her again until later in the day on Friday, I sit here with my Gmail account open, and my phone a short distance away, just in case she decides to try to get in touch with me.
Yet, still, I hardly know her, so, how can I feel this way? If it were lust, wouldn’t the visions in my head primarily concern us in carnal acts? Yet, they’re the furthest from my mind. At no point today did my hormones even reach a level that made me fantasize about any woman and myself in those acts. Which is very rare, I may not act upon most of those occasions, but the fact is if I’m honest with myself, that I usually have the imagery in my head at some point. Yet not today.
So what is this feeling? Why is it that my heart seems to both beat faster, yet slower whenever I think of her? Why is it that I had an image of us laying in a bed together, just resting, my arm around her, both of us fully clothed, just, there, as naturally as I go to sleep on my own every night? Not only that, but why did that image force a smile onto my face for a long period of time after having it, even now, thinking of it again I cannot help but smile!
Yet more proof, here I am, at 3 in the morning, when I’m usually fast asleep, typing on my laptop, trying to get these thoughts out on paper! Or at least some more permanent means of writing.
Is it love? I truly don’t know. The feeling has me baffled! I honestly can’t explain WHAT I’m feeling to anyone. Yet using the word love to describe it just feels….right I suppose. I figure it doesn’t make any sense, yet, I…I just don’t know. I’m honestly completely baffled. Any other time I’ve felt something, I’ve been able to easily explain it away, or search the internet to find some description for it. Yet, this, I can’t qualify what exactly it is I’m feeling, so how can I find out what it is? I’m not even sure I WAN’T to find out that it’s something else, as nothing else could feel as right as this does.
I’m so puzzled! Usually when I sit and pound away at keys, it’s when something has me, at the very least, annoyed. Anything that makes me feel any positive emotions tends to be brief, and I let it speak for itself. Yet this? This has me writing continuously.

I think I’m in love.

I’ve never felt happier.

I want to post this where anyone can read it, and think I will. I think my friends will understand, and if they don’t, I don’t care. I really just don’t care. If anyone else finds this funny or sappy, let them laugh, I think I might actually pity them for not feeling what I feel now. Yes, I will post this, exactly as it’s written on my blog, and hope she reads it. I just hope she feels even a small amount of what I feel.

I love this song haha, really does suit me too I think.

Heres a link to his site: http://ilikeguns.com.au/

Since I did it for World at War, figure I’ll do it for MW2 also.

Following is a categorized list of all the equipment available in MW2.

Primary Weapons:

Assault Rifles:

M4A1

FAMAS

SCAR-H

TAR-21

FAL

M16A4

ACR

F2000

AK-47

Sub Machine Guns:

MP5K

UMP45

Vector

P90

Mini-Uzi

Light Machine Guns:

L86 LSW

RPD

MG4

AUG HBAR

M240

Sniper Rifles:

Intervention

Barrett .50cal

WA2000

M24 EBR

Riot Shield (Thats it, it’s a riot shield.)

Secondary Weapons:

Machine Pistols:

PP2000

G18

M93 Raffica

TMP

Shotguns:

Spas-12

AA-12

Striker

Ranger (Sawed off double barrel)

M1014

Model 1887 (Sawed down grip

Handguns:

USP.45

.44 Magnum

M9

Desert Eagle

Launchers:

AT4-HS

Thumper (M79 Grenade Launcher)

Stinger

Javelin

RPG-7

Equipment:

Frag

Semtex (sticky grenade)

Throwing Knife

Tactical Insertion (Spawn Point Choose)

Blast Shield

Claymore

C4

Special Grenade:

Flash Grenade

Stun Grenade

Smoke Grenade

Perk 1:

Marathon (Unlimited Sprint)

Sleight of Hand

Scavenger (Resupply from dead enemies)

Bling (2 Weapon Attachments)

One Man Army (? Not unlocked…yet.)

Perk 2:

Stopping Power

Lightweight (Move Faster)

Hardline (1 less kill for kill streaks)

Cold Blooded (? Believe prevents you from being seen by any electronics)

Danger Close (?)

Perk 3:

Commando (Increased melee distance)

Steady Aim

Scrambler (Scrambles enemy radar when close to you)

Ninja (?)

Sitrep (?)

Last Stand

Death Streak:

Copy Cat (Copy a kills class)

Painkiller (9 Second Juggernaught)

Martyrdom

Final Stand

Kill Streak Options:

3 Kills-UAV

4 Kills- Care Package

4 Kills-Counter UAV

5 Kills-Sentry Gun

5 Kills-Predator Missile

6 Kills-Precision Airstrike

7 Kills-Harrier Strike

7 Kills-Attack Helicopter

8 Kills-Emergency Airdrop

9 Kills-Pave Low

9 Kills-Stealth Bomber

11 Kills- Chopper Gunner

11 Kills-AC130

15 Kills-EMP

25 Kills-Tactical Nuke

I can say with complete and total confidence, that even if the Multiplayer of MW2 sucks, the singleplayer was god damn well worth it.

Bleh, been awhile, and at least on the firearms front, I’ve got a bit to add, I’ve acquired a MSAR STG-556, a Arsenal AK-74, and a GSG-5, none of which have been updated to here! Really need to get on that, don’t I?

1) Use an over complicated code system consisting of 18 different orders, but lacking certain key ones. Make the system complicated enough that no one will be able to remember it, and will at all times need the list of codes next to them if they are to be used.

2) Use piss poor training methods to try to get the squad some experience, such as making one six man squad stay within 50 meters of each other, while going against 2 three man squads that have to problems splitting up and shooting at you from two directions.

3) Condescend to your squad members. You’re the leader for a reason after all! Clearly you know everything there is to know, and your squad mates are lucky they even know the controls of the game!

4) Insult your squad members intelligence and ability if they even THINK to contradict you, one again, you’re the squad leader! You’re always right!

Now some background on why I wrote these up. I still play Battlefield 2, specifically the Project Reality Modification for it, and I joined a community that decided to start setting up a competitive team to go against other clans/communities/whatever. I was invited to join one of the 4 squads our team would consist of, specifically the Armor squad, which meant I was supposed to specialize in Tanks, APC’s, AA, things along those lines. I’m GOOD at that, so I joined.

Well, the problems with me and the SL started early, he was constantly talking to me during our training sessions as if I had no fucking idea what I was doing, and as if I barely had the controls for making the vehicles move down pat yet…but I kept my mouth shut, after all, he hadn’t played with me that much, he might not realize that I already know what he’s going over and then more…

Problems didn’t stop there. THEN all the squads felt the need to institute a code system for sending messages (Because you know in game VOIP can be spied on <rolls eyes>) consisting of 18 different orders. Example is 10-1 for important message, and 10-0 for the squad is dead. So if youre in squad alpha, rather then saying “Shit! The entire squad just got mowed down at A1 Keypad 5!” You’re supposed to say “10-1, Squad Alpha 10-0 at A1Kp5.”

Yea, sure it’s shorter. But with already 18 commands, and more on the way since the initial set lacks important codes, who the hell is going to remember that? So of course, all of us end up with a print out/copied down set of codes sitting next to us, and every time someone requested something, rather then responding right away in a tank, I was forced to look at my codes and figure out what they wanted. Real effective eh?

But I dealt with it, if they wanted to over complicate our communications, fine, maybe they’d learn when we started getting destroyed due to having to look at our code lists before reacting that it was a bad method.

Then last night though, I really got pissed off.

Our squad leader decided we needed to do some infantry training, as sometimes there would be large skirmishes going on that were infantry only, and the non-infantry squads would need to play in them to make sure our team was fully filled.

I had some small issues with that, but the reasoning was fine, and I was willing to do it.

However the training method seemed designed to be pointless and piss us off.

The armor squad, well 5 of us and some random person from another squad, started out by going over how we need to have the squad move in a certain ORDER….yes…because…it’s important the medic be in slot 4, squad lead in slot 5, one rifleman in slot 6, our machine gunner in slot 3, and two riflemen in slot 1 and 2…otherwise we will fail clearly.

But FINE, let’s do it. It’s pointless, but fine.

That took about 20minutes to sort out with the squad leader being a blowhard that doesn’t realize that once were formed up, we clearly are ready to friggen go.

By the time we did that though, the OTHER team, consisting of two 3 man squads from our Community Teams infantry squads decided there was no point waiting, and had already taken the final objective, meaning our tickets were bleeding and it was a short time til it was over.

Was it good enough to sit around though, or restart the map and have EVERYONE start at the same time? Nope. We lose rather handily obviously. I suppose 6 men all within 50 meters of each other running across the desert in a line didn’t help us take back the position either. Clearly though the solution IS keeping the squad bunched up like that. It MUST be after all, right?

Well next round starts, same shit different map…..we once again, get our asses handed to us due to not being able to attack the next objective and defend our current one, maybe something to do with being all bunched up? Everyone’s getting pissed now. We’re just getting killed, and we’re lucky if at any given time 4 of the 6 of us are alive.

Well, next map begins….but wait….the squad leader is AFK for some reason…didn’t tell us, but he’s gone….I start being the closest thing we have to a squad lead and telling the squad where to go. We take objective 1, and quickly troop off together, though not in a pretty line, towards the second objective. We take it…

Most of us get killed there though. Now we only have to take the enemy main….I tell 3 people by name to go to the place we just took and defend it. Me and one other person hoof it way around the fight and get to their main base. Manage to get on a building roof with only two ways up, one of us covering each, until the base it neutralized and they can’t take the one we took last. I tell the rest of the squad to move up…and lo and behold we WIN! Just in time for the squad leader to come back and make a joke about ‘Look at that, I have 0’s across the board and still am part of the best squad!’ Well yea, wonder if the fact you weren’t here has anything to do with that?

But we go back to his way. We’re on a map with swamp around a city….3 points to take. We take the first one fine, then we start taking fire.

Best solution? Send two men to flank where the fires coming from, have 2 remain and defend, and 2 slip off without being seen to take the second objective.

Squad leaders solution? Keep the squad all bunched up in an alley until the fire subsides…or what actually happened, we all die.

We end up spending the rest of the round running around the city trying not to die, and take the second objective as they take our first…then they hit us from multiple directions, kill us, take the objective, and as we try to cross the swamp, in a nice line, they pick us off.

We’re not done yet though! Now we have one more map, we’re all pretty damn pissed off obviously, but what are we going to do? We try AGAIN. Still in the same tactic. Now heres a map where he specifically pisses me off again, I’m acting as point. I get to a building corner of a street that I KNOW had enemies down it at one point recently. I carefully look around…say clear….and hear the squad leader say “I don’t know what just fuckin happened, but someone screwed up because I’m point now!”

Because yes, it’s my duty while facing forward to know that the squad leaders going to run across a street, right?

Well, once again, we get our asses handed to us. End up just trying not to get killed in our main, hardly get to move without being shot…and a few of us choose to call it a night, why wouldn’t we? We’re fucking pissed…

But a conversation strikes up after the fact in our Ventrilo about what happened, and the squad leader is adamantly insisting we did great, that we’re really doing well! Etc etc….

I try to point out however that we DIDN’T do well…if we had been doing well, we wouldn’t be constantly getting wiped out. I usually am relativly soft spoken in vent, I always let people talk over me, just the way I am…this time though, I shouted over the squad leader and someone else and told them to quiet down and let me talk….they did temporarily, probably from shock if nothing else.

Well I try to explain that having a six man squad go up the way we did against two three man squads is useless, because we aren’t going to get shit out of it. They try to claim that it’s to get the basics down. Now tell me, how the hell are you supposed to get the basics of working in a six man squad down when you’re lucky if 4 of the men are alive at any given point?

He’s going on about how we only lost because we’re not used to working together, etc, etc….nevermind the one time we didn’t stay close enough for one grenade to kill the entire squad we did great….but I persist in my point, having one hell of a time actually getting to be HEARD since I keep getting shouted over again.

Finally the squad leader tells me to shut up, calls me the squads ‘weak link’ and that I’m wrong. That ‘[he] could understand if he was doing something wrong, but that [he] was doing it right and that [I'm] wrong.’

Lovely squad leader eh?

Finally the OTHER member that’s supposed to be helping us asks me what I would do since I’m ’such a know it all’ I try to talk again, get shouted down by the squad leader…and tell him to shut up, and that it’s fine, take this as my resignation, and left the squad.

So some lessons if you’re going to be making a competitive squad for gaming.

Rule 1: Be polite to your members, this isn’t the military, they have the choice of leaving.

Rule 2: Use your head. If your getting slaughtered, you’re doing something wrong.

Rule 3: If someone in the squad wants to make a point, let them, don’t tell them to shut up.

Rule 4: If something works when you’re not around, yet what you want to do doesn’t work when you ARE around. Take a hint, you’re doing something wrong….

Get the idea?

I just found out (after the friggen site was down for about 2 hours) that I have a 1 week ban from the Infinity Ward forums

Why? For “Instigating a flame war by means of a sardonic response.”

Now, here’s the thing, I reported the post myself, and the closest to starting the flame war I came was by telling the OTHER person that the posts he was making to insult me were lacking in creativity.

Yes, I was banned for taunting a person insulting me for making poor insults.

and HERE’S actually a reply left by the mods in the thread for an example of things he said to me:

“‘N003k wrote:

Rule One:

If anythings use during war is being debated, specifically the cessation of something’s use, it is only a matter of time before a person will claim that it is illegal to use the substance or object in war under the Geneva Convention.

Rule Two:

If a person is losing an argument concerning a question related to whether something is true or not, they will eventually fall back on “It’s the law!”, they also however, will be unable to provide any information about the exact text of the law, or the name of the law, and will instead reply with “Look it up!”

“Police said the 12-gauge Mossberg shotgun the suspect used was reported stolen in North Carolina two years ago. It’s typically used by law enforcement, police said.

“This individual came fully ready to go to war with us,” said Comey. ‘This is a gun meant for nothing other than to hunt a man.’”

Getting a new comp today, which is great. What’s not so great? Starting to find the files I want to transfer over to the new one…..this could take awhile…